Don't tie me up, tie me down.

Bondage, humiliation and domination...oh my!!! You mean I can tie a woman up and force her to do what I want?!?!?! Sign...Me...Up!!! Or maybe call a therapist and get me on some good medication for these thoughts of strangling things with things to feel things(crazy). I guess it's not fun every time, because to be honest if you enjoy fucking this way then just get a job at the morgue, that's profit sex. Everyone has a fetish, hell I assume there's someone out there that gets off to people spelling difficult words. Having someone immobile though is like fucking a bag of wet sand and having been drunk on the beach it's not all that great. Mouth gagging is fun, but not in the bedroom I'd prefer it more maybe at dinner time or when I'm watching something, you know when it's convenient for me and my ears. I understand this street goes both ways ladies, but I'd prefer not to talk about the things I've had shoved inside me(the things I do for head), but something about spanking a grown man with a paddle while his wrists are tied..... is kinda embarrassing. I know that's what humiliation is (dickhead readers), but it's odd when you lock eyes with a stranger who has spotted you in a park at 3 in the morning getting disciplined for being a "bad boy". I bet if Frank Sinatra was still alive he could write a kick-ass song about that.

Hysterical?

1. She just realized she forgot her red shirt.
2. At least the Knights of Templar are looking better (except those two moms, we see you)
3. Guess they really wanted that rapture.
4. I have never seen a sporting event with no male fans...
5. Oh no wait, I found Waldo behind the girl who looks like she's from P.O.D.
6. Open your mouths...Jesus is cumming.
7. Hop Suisse Hop Suisse clap clap clap.
8. Semi-attractive disaster relief.

Andy Warhol's "Jay Leno"

The dreaded erection.

So for a woman, isn't seeing an erection a compliment? Well from someone you know, if it's a stranger then you're either about to have fun or get raped (rape is also implied when the person is kissing you with their eyes open). Being yelled at for an erection is like getting yelled at for cumming before you, obviously as the woman you're the more attractive one and that should be a given. Granted the compliment involves a piece of meat filled with blood that is looking to be inserted in one of your orifices, but it's a compliment none the less. Boggles me that showing an erection is a social faux pas and I should be able to control it yet I have to spend the whole night listening to you complain how you broke the seal and constantly need to pee every ten minutes. At least I'm just popping something that I can move and hide, I'm not using a dumb annoying voice to whine about something you should be able to control since potty training. There is no erection training, I tried to teach a class on the subject at the Y but it just resulted in more restraining orders.

A list of things not to say in the bedroom area presented in one continuous sentence.

Looks like Christmas came twice this year I'm kind of used to cumming on my own chest actually your labia is creating a nice breeze I can push it in oh well I've done porn you might know me from there you going to eat that lucky for you I washed it today I think your pussy gave me gas you need to hurry my 2 o'clock will be here soon you smell like my mom are you still alive what was your name again I have AIDS you might be pregnant you're the same age as my daughter I don't normally cry this much do you also validate parking you have to squeeze it my cat likes to watch strong adam's apple there Stephanie you were my first I see dead people sorry I keep my spare change up there knock knock who's there sperm they look lopsided I think I might be gay is that the ice cream guy but you were born with 2 nipples right bet Nostradamus didn't see this one cumming don't be such a baby it's just a rape did your pussy eat eat itself ok but why is there a string in your asshole your pussy tastes like dick ugh my cock needs glasses nooooo that's how the priest would touch me I didn't know it could be that color I was the voice of Captain Planet my tits are bigger your pussy was painted by Picasso sorry I didn't think you would wake up sex always makes me think of my kids you know a good abortion clinic right ssshhh you'll wake Grandma that's where my Daddy would kiss me I lost the other one back in '86 I've never had an erection before so the belly button is off limits cool if I stab you afterwards that was quick I heard you say stop the first time I came let me know when you're done I hope you wake from this coma.

Wizard Of Id

NONSENSE

Definition of NONSENSE
1a : words or language having no meaning or conveying no intelligible ideas
b (1) : language, conduct, or an idea that is absurd or contrary to good sense (2) : an instance of absurd action
2a : things of no importance or value : trifles
b : affected or impudent conduct
3: genetic information consisting of one or more codons that do not code for any amino acid and usually cause termination of the molecular chain in protein synthesis