The wrong one blew the shotgun

Oh it happened again, my penis stopped working. God, what happened to the rebellious women I used to masturbate to? Even Skeletor has a British accent now, oh sorry, I mean Madonna. That ridiculous fake Jew looks like a velociraptor that got angry because her retard arms are too small to diddle. Maybe the thrill my cock experienced when I was little was due to a celebrity (or self proclaimed) not flashing their tits and pussy to everyone (that's not a real complaint). Hell, Drew Barrymore hasn't been relevant since she stopped. I guess as you get older you realize that eventually they will all end up looking like this. But why would anyone sleep with a celeb anyway? Why fuck something that's been invaded by every co-star or band mate they have ever known? That's not even counting all the dicks they sucked on their way to the top. Gotta gotta go down to move up.

Plumber Day

1. How Mexicans are born.
2. It would have been easier to bathe if the tub wasn't a storage unit.
3. What a weird Ikea ad.
4. Never scream "Flush the stash!!!" at the Pitt/Jolie household.
5. This is why abortions aren't done at home.
6. Chi-chi-chi-children.
7. Isn't the phrase "I just had a brown baby boy"?
8. And NY'ers were afraid of alligators in the sewers.
9. We're going to need a bigger bowl.

Loss of memory fading....

My memory serves me correctly far more often than I prefer it would. Of course I would crave any excuse to be allowed to forget even the tiniest fragments of time. Well you forgetful fucks, how dare you spend most of your day wandering around in confusion just to complain about not remembering all you had to accomplish. Fucking ridiculous. Is everyone aware that a forgetful person, accepted within a social group, receives a Get Out Of Jail Free card by making a sad face and saying "I forgot... sorry"? It's not fair. Others receive this social sympathy too, like the ugly person or stupid person. I think everyone needs to rise up against their "friends" (be honest, their bullshit annoys the shit out of you) and put a stop to people forgetting to pick up medicine for you on their way home. If you need incentive, their memory neglect really just means they don't' give a fuck about you. Go get 'em Tiger.

Nuff Said

I present you with the picture, what more do you want from me?!?!......... Fine....

1) P.H.A.T. 4 life
2) Notorius T.I.T.
3) Shame on a bigga
4) Go shortiieee it's your buffeettt...
5) Nerd needs food... badly
6) Thank God Jonah Hill turned it around.
7) Despite all my rage... I still want a cheesecake.
8) Big ups mon.
9) The teen years were rough.
10) Good Charlotte turned into Good Cadbury.
11) A.F.I. - Auto Feeding Intent
12) Eminem in a funhouse mirror

I am not a bitch... I mean witch

I fucking hate liars (even though I lied through most of my life and had a much better time not being honest). Since I'm speaking of liars, of course this is going to lead into a political comment about a woman who at one point in her life thought she was a witch and still thinks a man's dick has no place in this world. Personally I feel maybe more politicians should let you know they're not witches, ghouls or demons, despite the fact that they will become one of those as soon as they are in office. I'm guessing the 900 Wicca Gods and Goddess' (I can't name 10 people I like, let alone worship 20 different earth and water Gods) also told her that masturbation is cheating (Ha! I always thought it was helping to prevent cheating). Shouldn't we be asking her questions about how she's going to help the poor? (Which now includes middle class) Or how she will help the recession? Also, for idiots that don't pay attention (my fans), the rich said the recession ended in 2009. Yeah, it's over everyone. You can start spending money you don't make at stores that had to close down. Ahhh screw it...let's ask more political candidates if they watch Ghosthunters or Jersey Shore, that's totally going to fix this country.

Midgetal Love

You know... it sounds like digital... the Daft Punk song... no?!?! Go fuck yourselves, especially if you're not under 5 feet. I want a little person sooo bad it hurts (only up to my knees though). Could you imagine having your own portable nightstand wherever you go? Just not anything really wide, because their little hot dog fingers can't grip it well, so all drinks will have to be rested on their heads. I enjoy just being able to look all the way down at someone and say "Come on, go up on me", hell what's the point of being in a relationship if you can't look down at the other person. Those little delights are also cheaper due to their smaller stature; children's tickets at the movies, fewer drinks because of their already barely working liver. Shit if you're taking a flight out of Boston or New Jersey you can probably just sneak them on with your carry on (security probably won't check anyway). Knowing that you will always win an arguement is wonderful too because if that little bitch acts up I'll cunt-punt her across the room.

Yellow Fever

I think out of all the people across this rock we live on, the Chinese, Asian, Korean whatever the fuck they want to be called, have to be the dumbest looking race. Have a gander at a yellow man doing anything that doesn't include a calculator or sitting, and it almost seems as if their top row of teeth extends. Especially any one of them playing sports, its similar to watching a paraplegic rolling down an up escalator and just as funny. The women are no better considering that they start to grow fruit tumors out of their neck after the age of 30. I don't have the heart to tell those women how ridiculous they look exercising either, moving slower does not mean working out harder. I guess if I had to come home to the Asian man's little cheese doodle, I'd probably prolong any process that keeps me out of the house. I also don't feel we should really trust a race that always look like they're struggling to see something in the distance. I didn't write this just because I'm jealous of their video game hair, there's just too fucking many of them in Brooklyn.