Back Door Beauty

Never before have I felt bad for a waitress... that was until me and my female accomplice arrived. Like two children in a candy shop, but instead the candy happened to be an innocent young girl within earshot. Though we finished our meal over 2 hours ago and I was still nursing a White Russian (haha), this woman was greeted out of the corner of her eye by 2 people crammed into one side of a booth undressing her with their eyes. I know, not that bad, but then we opened our mouths...each horrific sexual depictions, loud enough for her to hear and more exciting and creative than the last. However due to the repeated returns and glances (plus the cops were not called) I do believe our sexual heckling was appreciated...though I still took a bath when I got home to scrub off the dirtiness.

Un-fattering Appeal

I love the female figure, and yes a woman does look beautiful when pregnant, however... the pregnancy look can be unflattering at times. I know you dig the flapper look (I adore it), but maybe it's not the best time. A woman should not look like an out of work wrestler or... shudder to think (wasn't that the only single from that awful band X French T-Shirt) your beer belly preggo body might be carrying a still born. Either way sometimes we need to hide excessive things, which is why I wear black and stay away from skinny jeans.

The last person named "Magic" had HIV

So we have literature about growing up and being a master of the magical arts and no one sees a problem that adolescent teen wizards don't act like real teens and adult wizards are preoccupied teaching them to turn a person into a frog to do something helpful. Judging by the fact that J. K. Rowling was poor, I don't blame her for being selfish but damn at least Dumbledore could have maybe cured AIDS or cancer before he died. I'll assume he concentrated all his magic on levitating his no longer working penis or cursing Gandalf for being allowed to stay in a room with little boys without Chris Hansen popping out from behind a plant. If you think some little forehead scarred kid didn't use an invisibility cloak to watch all the women of Hogwart's get undressed you're a naive idiot. Look I'm a nerd, I like magic and dragons, but I like real life too.(Only because I'm forced to live in it) So next Halloween when you see a little kid dressed up as Mr. Potter and he's in a wheelchair, ask him why he doesn't use his magic to make his legs work again.

Great Advantage Takers In History Vol. 1

The saying "The moon is made of cheese" came about after mighty astronaut Neil Armstrong gazed out of the capsule door upon landing on the moon. Having inside information (that Buzz Aldrin was lactose intolerant) he quickly proclaimed "Hold on Buzzy (Neil called him this, since it was a hybrid of Buzz and buddy, which humored Neil)......"I think this moon is made of cheese, you better let me go first". Thus securing his name in history and fucking over a moron.

The Uncanny Retard

I don't see the issue with having idiotic people thinking they're super heroes. Where's the problem with that? If a retard is going to die foiling a robbery, good, better it be him than me or someone with a brain. An IQ test should not be required to protect me since there isn't one taken to decide who's harming me. I'd feel safer knowing that instead of mongoloids repeatedly running into the same pole for no reason, they were running into a darkly lit area fighting crime in spandex that is way too small for their abnormally shaped bodies. If it bothers you that I feel retarded people are sacrificial for my own benefit, well fuck you, judging by this post I think about them and what can be done with their useless lives, which is much more than you have done before reading this...retard

Sportball

If anything makes a man look gay it's the sports world. All the balls, ass grabbing and cock holding, but yet it appears there's no "very out there" fags in the sports world. No I'm not counting ice-skating I'm talking the main American Sports. You can't tell me that a gay man doesn't know how to be athletic and take care of they're bodies in order to be fit to "perform" better in a ball sport. Fuck, it's impossible that there isn't a gay man who wouldn't excel in a sport that uses a phallic bat and a ball. Hell, I know a lot of guys looking for that two ball count.

Count Cullen

So I'm confused, which vampire is real now? I grew up with the bloodsuckers that sucked blood and lived in castles with mindless slaves. They would enjoy their time feasting on humans and transforming into mist or a bat. Now they're beautiful, attend school with your kids, and are probably fucking your daughter and her friends as we speak. Since garlic and crosses no longer work in today's world, there is no protection from a vampire pedophile that's 400 years old with his hand in a 17 year old. Side note: Older men with younger women - creepy pedophile, older woman with a younger man - sexy cougar, but I'm the sexist one. Point is vampires have been turned into sexual predators instead of just predators. Werewolves shouldn't be sexy either since they're covered in hair. If you are attracted to werewolves then you are attracted to older Russian men.