Ugh

1. Shaun White seems very humble.
2. 138 is really how long that face is.
3. If my child's face looked like Easter Island I wouldn't name him Rocky.
4. Hope he wins the Preakness next year.
5. I'd probably try to punch myself also.
6. His face is the same texture as the inside of a chronic masturbator's hand.
7. He needs to use a mattress as a pillow.

Clever Animals

Ok let's be serious for a moment. You really feel that after all the knowledge and evolution of species since the beginning of time, that the animal kingdom can not communicate with us. Maybe it's you, because as a fellow human I go out of my way not to converse with you. Or maybe it might just be that (whether domesticated or not) animals are just fucking rude. A bear is able to open your refrigerator and make a sandwich, but never once would a woodland creatures wave or even give a casual head nod in your direction. Shit cats are pretty much like ex's considering they wait by the door for you on payday and pretend to not understand phrases such as "eat it bitch it's good for you" and "go get a fucking job then". I assume must animals are disgusted by the human race more than I am. Yes I know I haven't posted in awhile and yes I know this is short, not funny and doesn't have a point, but I'm fucking busy and don't get paid for this so blow me. Kisses.

Sorry I cunt hear you.

1. Big tits are like balloons, nice to get as a gift.
2. Clearly that smile got her nowhere in life.
3. Her ears are leaking sperm.
4. When she dies do those get recycled?
5. Midgets do the craziest stunt work.
6. DJ Tit E
7. They never let me in the club when I wear that outfit.

Back Door Beauty

Never before have I felt bad for a waitress... that was until me and my female accomplice arrived. Like two children in a candy shop, but instead the candy happened to be an innocent young girl within earshot. Though we finished our meal over 2 hours ago and I was still nursing a White Russian (haha), this woman was greeted out of the corner of her eye by 2 people crammed into one side of a booth undressing her with their eyes. I know, not that bad, but then we opened our mouths...each horrific sexual depictions, loud enough for her to hear and more exciting and creative than the last. However due to the repeated returns and glances (plus the cops were not called) I do believe our sexual heckling was appreciated...though I still took a bath when I got home to scrub off the dirtiness.

Un-fattering Appeal

I love the female figure, and yes a woman does look beautiful when pregnant, however... the pregnancy look can be unflattering at times. I know you dig the flapper look (I adore it), but maybe it's not the best time. A woman should not look like an out of work wrestler or... shudder to think (wasn't that the only single from that awful band X French T-Shirt) your beer belly preggo body might be carrying a still born. Either way sometimes we need to hide excessive things, which is why I wear black and stay away from skinny jeans.

The last person named "Magic" had HIV

So we have literature about growing up and being a master of the magical arts and no one sees a problem that adolescent teen wizards don't act like real teens and adult wizards are preoccupied teaching them to turn a person into a frog to do something helpful. Judging by the fact that J. K. Rowling was poor, I don't blame her for being selfish but damn at least Dumbledore could have maybe cured AIDS or cancer before he died. I'll assume he concentrated all his magic on levitating his no longer working penis or cursing Gandalf for being allowed to stay in a room with little boys without Chris Hansen popping out from behind a plant. If you think some little forehead scarred kid didn't use an invisibility cloak to watch all the women of Hogwart's get undressed you're a naive idiot. Look I'm a nerd, I like magic and dragons, but I like real life too.(Only because I'm forced to live in it) So next Halloween when you see a little kid dressed up as Mr. Potter and he's in a wheelchair, ask him why he doesn't use his magic to make his legs work again.

Great Advantage Takers In History Vol. 1

The saying "The moon is made of cheese" came about after mighty astronaut Neil Armstrong gazed out of the capsule door upon landing on the moon. Having inside information (that Buzz Aldrin was lactose intolerant) he quickly proclaimed "Hold on Buzzy (Neil called him this, since it was a hybrid of Buzz and buddy, which humored Neil)......"I think this moon is made of cheese, you better let me go first". Thus securing his name in history and fucking over a moron.